Welcome to my Practice
A bit about me
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist located in the North Indian Trail area of Spokane, west of the Upper Five-Mile hillside. I have been in private practice since 2009 working with individuals, couples, families and step-families.
My goal in writing this page is to provide you with a glimpse into how I practice the art/science of therapy by sharing something of how I view my work and the challenges we all face as human beings.
As a therapist, I prefer to operate as a collaborative partner with my clients. It is of paramount importance to me that the people with whom I work feel accepted and understood. I believe this foundation of trust and safety is a necessary pre-requisite for truly helpful conversations in which valuable insight can be gained and practical tools acquired.
I believe that part of my role as a therapist is certainly to reflect and empathize the experience of my clients. And I also believe that, when necessary, it is my role to respectfully challenge when necessary and provide honest feedback. Effective therapy should be validating but not always comfortable.
Relationships and Attachment
In my over twelve years in practice has shown me anything it is that we are a social species with a deep and primal need to be in relationship; to be connected to another. When we feel connected to those important to us we are at our most resilient, more readily able to look past our partner’s frustration over missing keys and not take it personally. Perhaps we might even spring up to aid in the search! Thus, the better we are feeling about our connection with our partner the more our behavior tends to support the connection. Positive behavior patterns reinforce each partner’s sense of being part of this thing called “us.”
Conversely, when the feeling of connection between the members of a couple is fraying, the opportunity to fall into unhelpful behavior patterns increases. One sign that this may be happening is when there are repetitive fights over seemingly inconsequential matters such as the criteria of a correctly loaded dishwasher or the proper technique to employ while squeezing toothpaste from a tube. When we see a bowl come out of the dishwasher with a row of Cheerios cemented along the inside, or as we behold the toothpaste tube wadded up like a deformed bow-tie, we can become upset. Very upset. This is an example of how the problem isn’t really the problem. Annoying, yes. But root problem, no.
At hand but unanswered – and perhaps even unrecognized – are the questions such as: Am I a priority in your life? Does my wellbeing matter to you? If I use my voice can I rely on you to hear it?
With questions like these lingering just below the surface, it is little wonder that we sometimes find ourselves talking past each other. We get caught up in negative self-reinforcing patterns of reactive behavior that leave us feeling more disconnected, and therefore primed for yet more misunderstanding. When present, these negative cycles can readily extend far beyond dishwashers and toothpaste tubes, leaving both members of a couple feeling more like adversaries than life partners.
The above examples illustrate how the hidden currents of attachment needs constantly flow within us and influence how we show up in our relationships. I find working from the Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) model to be helpful in recognizing unhelpful patterns of behavior and the underlying emotions that give rise to them. Based on attachment theory, this modality provides scaffolding for the couple as they break out of old patterns to build a climate of safety and trust where vulnerable feelings can be expressed.
Insight, Acceptance, and Mindfulness
My work is also informed by the principles and methods of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The following is a brief description of the roles that insight, acceptance, and mindfulness play in my therapy practice. Together they serve as three legs of a tri-pod supporting personal growth.
Insight involves understanding how the impact of previous experience shapes our story of who we are, which in turn affects how we tend to experience and interact with the world. Our capacity to fool ourselves is great, so it is important to gain understanding into the ways in which our perception tends to become distorted so that we can modulate our behavior accordingly.
Cultivating acceptance is important because it frees up emotional and cognitive resources to apply more constructively in those areas of our lives that we can influence. It involves recognizing and letting go of agendas and our expectations of others. Within ourselves, acceptance gives room for the human experience to unfold. A natural tendency for us when experiencing depression, anxiety, fear or whatever is to desperately want those uncomfortable feelings to go away! Yet energy we expend in trying to do so takes us away from our lives.
Mindfulness is our brain’s marvelous ability to observe itself in operation. It is an innate ability that can be developed with practice. With it we can put our ever-changing emotional mind under adult supervision where it is less likely to get us into trouble by falling into one of the aforementioned traps.
Insight, acceptance, and mindfulness are an integral part of the work of helping my clients to identify and move toward making the changes they desire in their lives
Next Steps
You are invited to check out my FAQ page for more information. If you would like to set up an initial consultation to explore the possibility of working with me, please leave me a message describing a bit about your situation and how you would like me to be of help.
I offer free Zoom initial consultations so that prospective clients and I can have a chance to visit, discuss the situation at hand, and get a sense of whether we would be a good fit to work together.